Positive Parenting: Mindset over matter and tips for positivity
by Kelsey Rasmussen
We tell children that the friends they choose will influence them, but it’s also true that the people whom we spend time with as adults have a definite influence on us. Perhaps being around toddlers so much leads to my own mood swings or fixation on whimsical needs like having toys picked up off the floor?
Gradually, and seemingly out of the blue, I occasionally find myself dwelling on negative events and feeling depleted well before bedtime. I have a hunch that I’m not the only parent who ever felt that way…?
Sure, we all know positive thinking is better than dwelling on problems or complaining, just like we know eating a balanced diet, limiting media consumption, and exercising 30 minutes a day is best. But knowing and doing are two different things, right? Being our best selves as parents requires taking care of our own health, including emotional health.
In an article on the “Power of Positive Thinking” (2021) in Psychology Today, Robert Puff recommends the practice of training (and retraining!) our minds toward positivity.
“We’re not happy because we’re happy, we’re happy because we interpret the things that happen to us as good. On the flip side, if we interpret the things that happen to us as bad, we tend to feel unhappy. Our thoughts interpret the things that happen in our lives and, as a result, they have a strong influence over our happiness. … Our thoughts create our happiness or unhappiness.”
This wisdom is not new.
In “The 4:8 Principle: The Secret to a Joy-Filled Life,” Tommy Newberry presents an ancient, biblical foundation for positive thinking based on Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
In a nutshell, your mindset matters.
Newberry explains that most parents love their children unconditionally:
“What matters, though, is whether or not the child perceives this,” he writes.
When we manage our thoughts, we manage our emotions and ultimately the message we convey to our children through our behavior.
Following are some strategies Newberry coaches parents to use to cultivate emotional strength.
- Create a family mission or values statement and post it somewhere prominently in your home.
- Start each day with a 15-minute routine that brings you peace and joy, not distraction.
- Ask questions that require a positive response:
- What are five things I am thankful for right now?
- What are five of my strengths or positive traits?
- Who are the five people who love me the most?
- What are five things I am looking forward to in the next seven days?
- Include positive nighttime declarations in your child’s bedtime routine. Following are some examples.
- Mom and Dad love you forever, always, no matter what.
- You respect and obey your mother and father.
- You think for yourself and make wise choices.
- Actions have consequences.
- You can do hard things.
Activity Highlight: Tape a large piece of paper to the wall for your tot to use for drawing on and placing stickers on. While it seems very basic, your child will use different muscles while drawing vertically and also build hand-eye coordination.
Drawing vertically helps with hand/eye coordination. Image provided by Kelsey Rasmussen
Kelsey Rasmussen is a local resident and full-time parent of toddler twins.
