Positive Parenting

This holiday season, focus on gratitude and simple traditions

by Kelsey Rasmussen

During the holidays, reclaim a simple family tradition or develop new ones. For example, the lighting of candles on an Advent Wreath is a symbolic Christian tradition in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Image credit: Kelsey Rasmussen

As we enter the season of gratitude, I’m considering what to pass along to my children.

What would my depression-era relatives say about today’s holiday gift-giving expectations? WalletHub reports that nearly half of Americans are still paying off debt from holiday purchases last year, and the average American spends about $1,000 on the Christmas holiday.

In contrast, a good friend from Colombia was startled by the commercialism of American Christmas when she immigrated. She recalled holiday celebrations of her childhood marked by large family meals and perhaps one small, handmade gift for her and each sibling. In that spirit, she folded 1,000 origami cranes to decorate her wedding, gifting the time and care it took to fold each delicate bird to her husband and guests.

It may be counter-cultural to resist the pressure to commercialize our everydays and our holidays. But renowned Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Master Thích Nhât Hanh describes the value in maintaining the traditions of one’s ancestors. In his book “Living Buddha, Living Christ,” Hanh encourages readers to reclaim the wisdom of their heritage.

“When we respect our blood ancestors and our spiritual ancestors, we feel rooted.  If we can find ways to cherish and develop our spiritual heritage, we will avoid the kind of alienation that is destroying society, and we will become whole again.  We must encourage others, especially young people, to go back to their traditions and rediscover the jewels that are there.  Learning to touch deeply the jewels of our own tradition will allow us to understand and appreciate the values of other traditions, and this will benefit everyone.”

Similarly, politician and consumer activist Ralph Nader wrote “The Seventeen Traditions” to document traditions that shaped his childhood, but which he feared were eroding in society. His list is long and includes the following: listening, the family table, health, history, scarcity, sibling equality, education and argument, discipline, simple enjoyments, reciprocity, independent thinking, charity, work, business, patriotism, solitude, and civics.

As he looks back on his own childhood, Nader shares his thoughts, which align closely with Hanh’s respect for generational wisdom.

“I realize how fortunate we were that our parents understood their own familial pasts, and that the traditions they observed in their own families would offer them an important framework as they tried to give their children healthy roots and prepare them for stable, well-directed lives in their new country. … Such family traditions challenge the notion that the fads, technologies, how-to manuals, and addictions of modern life have somehow taken the place of the time-tested wisdom fashioned in the crucibles of earlier generations.”.

How can I apply Hanh’s and Nader’s wisdom in our family life? For starters, I’ve come to view Advent as more than a calendar containing 31 stale, tiny chocolates. Instead, Advent is a four-week season in anticipation of Christmas; therefore, I will choose to imagine a healed, unbroken world and cultivate the jewels of hope, love, joy, and peace. This approach boldly counteracts a doom-and-gloom mentality and calls light to the darkest days of the year. By connecting us through time and space to our roots, traditions offer a powerful fortification from cultural forces of division.

Activity Highlight:

Reclaim a simple tradition from your elders, and/or develop new traditions with your family by becoming intentional about something you already do together. For example, read a certain holiday poem each year, listen to a specific playlist together, cook a traditional family meal, give thanks before eating, walk or drive around with hot cocoa to look at Christmas lights in your neighborhood.

Sources:

• Early Holiday Shopping Survey, 8 October 2024, com
• Hanh, Thich Nhat. (1995). “Living Buddha, Living Christ,” 90.
• Nader, Ralph. (2007). “The Seventeen Traditions,” p. 31.

Kelsey Rasmussen is a local resident and full-time parent of preschool aged twins.