Julianna Rooke, Third Place Winner of This I Believe Essay Contest

Photo Credit: Julianna Rooke

Below, is the first of what SCN plans to offer as a three month student written, “This I Believe,” column. To kick off, we are pleased to feature Julianna Rooke’s “This I Believe” essay.  The essays, submitted anonymously to a Friends of the Library panel, are reviewed and winners recommended. The Friends then contribute $25 to first place, $15 to second place and $10 to third place. Winners are typically photographed and their images displayed in the library.

by Julianna Rooke

Walking into a place that feels unknown is scary, it makes me anxious to think about what could happen. I opened the door and walked into the office to ask for a classroom that needed help. A million thoughts ran through my mind, what if they don’t want me? What if they don’t need me? I began nervously tapping my leg until she finished. She started speaking to me, but my mind hadn’t registered it. She asked again,

“Would a 2nd-grade class be fine?”
“Sure” I replied timidly

“Great, down the hall toward the gym, make a left and go all the way down to the second to the last classroom on the right.”

“Okay” I said again as shy as ever.

I walked for what seemed to be the absolute slowest walk ever, and I opened the classroom door to find a familiar room and face. Only the teacher, my second-grade teacher,  was there, and the room was dead silent. I walked up to her slowly, and I said, “The office told me that you might need help.” The voice I used was so low, that I’m definitely sure she didn’t hear me. But, to my surprise she did, and she smiled widely and greeted me with a welcoming, “Yes thank you.” Nervously, I smiled back and listened to what she needed me to do. I sat down with a second-grade type of Martin Luther King worksheet and waited impatiently for the students to come in from recess. Moving my leg involuntarily up and down, the students rushed in the classroom and found their spots. The teacher announced, “This is Julianna, everyone she will be helping us for the next couple of months in the classroom.” A little girl walked up to me and said “Hi”, and waved. She was so friendly that I knew I was going to love it here.

Doing things on my own is a valuable lesson that I’ve had a lot of trouble with. When I think about doing anything by myself I get anxious, Why would I do anything by myself if it’s easier to do with friends? I’ve always wanted to lean on others like leaning on a railing, it’s strong at first but eventually, it’s bound to break. Being independent helps me learn an important life question: What do I want to do in life? It’s hard to think about what interests me if I spend all my time leaning on my friends and their interests. Being independent isn’t just doing things by myself, it’s the things I learn about myself.

An important part of growing up is learning how to be more independent. Thinking about becoming an adult seems so far and distant, but is it really? This is a part of our lives where we become our own people, trying to become something in the world. This isn’t something I want to start halfway through my life, I want to be able to go into my adulthood knowing who I am and making goals for what I want to continue to be. I might not have a grip on it yet, but the point is: I’m trying, I’m making an effort to become someone better. Being independent is the first step into the great walk of our lives.

Being independent makes our society better because people who can do things on their own are usually more passionate. When I do things by myself, I feel like I have goals and it’s like a sense of purpose. This makes communities and relationships better to know who people are by themselves now, instead of trying to find out later. Getting over anxiety to do this is like trying to run through a brick wall, it’s hard. A lot of people, at a young age, are clouded by what their friends are, what happens when they’re separate from each other? Who are they really, and what are they like? I’m one of these people, who am I by myself? I would like to give people an answer, but I don’t know the answer, I’m still trying to find that out.