Positive Parenting: Parent like a Navy SEAL

by Kelsey Rasmussen

After children’s story time one Wednesday, I skimmed the back shelves of the Stockbridge Library where they sell used books for a dollar. Mothering boy-girl twins makes me curious about the different needs of boys and girls and how to best raise each, so “Raising Men” caught my eye. Author Eric Davis, a Navy SEAL and sniper instructor, validates the importance of involved fathers and mothers and the difficulty of parenting, and he gives practical advice for preparing our boys to grow into strong, confident and courageous men.

Rather than presenting a hyper-masculine doctrine, Davis makes a habit of asking, “How will this serve my child and the people around him in the future?” He asserts teaching children cause and consequence early and often, and has no-nonsense chapters like “Don’t be Right. Be Effective” and “Get off your Ass.”

Davis draws parallels between Navy SEAL training and parenting. In both, the stakes get higher and risks get bigger as you advance.

Early in the book, Davis explains, “The instructors know that either they or one of their teammates will potentially be going to war with one of these guys, and once a guy makes it all the way through SEAL training, there is nothing the instructors can do to him. Therefore, SEAL training is as much about protecting the community as it is about preparing a candidate to enter it. We’re basically creating high-functioning citizens who will both excel within and improve the community they enter. (Imagine the world in which we would live if all parents did and thought the same for themselves and their kids.)”

Isn’t that perspective about the importance of our home lives refreshing? And the reality is, parenting and SEAL training test one’s very limits, and training never ends.

Another excerpt from Davis: “By experiencing cause and consequence in an unaltered and unsoftened environment, SEALs are able to develop their sense of personal responsibility and the autonomies required to succeed. They are trained to be responsible for every outcome, because they are free to control it. They are never victims of circumstance, always masters of their own universe. Similarly, as our sons age, the complexity of their choices increases along with their accountability and their freedom to make those choices, creating potential consequences that can significantly impact the entire team.

According to Davis, the goal of parents of sons is “…to build a team of strength and confidence, and to provide your son a solid foundation before heavy correction is necessary or applied.” If we don’t apply correction to our children, he asserts that life and/or law enforcement eventually will.

Each chapter of Eric Davis’s “Raising Men” provides impressive examples of what Navy SEALs endure and can accomplish, gives practical advice for parents, and ends with reflection questions for parents to debrief. A sample of those questions is listed here.

• What does quitting being a father look like to you? What are some examples of quitting you’ve seen in others and yourself?
• Do the dive buddies your kids choose help them with their missions or hurt them? Do they produce confidence in your children? Is this something you monitor daily?
• Are you the most interesting person in your son’s life? Why or why not?
• Are you in the constant practice of learning new things and remaining someone worth learning from?
• Does permission to live a good life so that you can lead your son to do the same inspire or scare you? Why?
• Do you pursue comfort or purpose? What is something you’ve succeeded at despite the overwhelming discomfort?
• In what ways are you setting an example for your son with regard to health and fitness?
• What will be the next physical activity you do with your son?
• In what training is your son engaged that will build his confidence?
• List four things you think should happen before someone defends himself or herself physically. (Read “Raising Men” Chapter 10 for Davis’s answer.)
• How does shifting your focus outward to others help you better enjoy life? How does this connect to creating passion in your life? How can you teach this to your son?
• Are you good at self-regulating? How can you get better at it? Have you taught your son this skill?

Activity Highlight: Pick a few reflection questions from the list above, answer them, and try out your answer for a week.

SEALs always strive to improve, and they work in teams for a reason. You’re not in this alone, and remember, what you do matters. HOOYAH!

In “Raising Men,” Eric Davis validates the importance of involved parents and gives practical advice for preparing boys to grow into strong, confident, courageous men. Image credit: Fredrik Ohlander on unsplash.com