Active Aging
May is for mothers and mental health
by Stacey Mason
I’ve always loved Mother’s Day to celebrate my mother, and all the women who have “mothered” me throughout my life. I’m blessed to have had a mother deserving of celebrating. My mother was the picture of sacrifice and putting her needs last. My maternal grandmother was the same way. I learned from both of them and often put myself last to give to my kids. Over the years, I’ve attended and/or hosted Mother’s Day cookouts, restaurant dinners, brunches, and many celebrations.
Others may have chosen another to stand in as their mother. Sometimes this person is a grandmother, aunt, or friend who is older and wiser. (We know all about being older and wiser at the Stockbridge Area Senior Center!) I’ve discovered many women are mothers even without having chosen to have children of their own. Danielle Campoamor captures this in “An ode to women without children, from a mom” at today.com.
“As a woman who has made the personal decision to have children, I don’t think a person who decides not to have a child is a person who has decided not to parent. They are parenting, even if it’s finding the best ways to parent themselves, and we all—moms included—benefit from their kid-free acts of caregiving.”
My daughter, Chelsey, who has yet to decide whether to have kids, is THE favorite aunt—the one the kids know will allow more sugary snacks and rowdy play. She spoils them with her fun disposition and goodies. They know when Aunt Chelsey is coming, the day will be exciting! We all need those people in our lives, and they also need to be celebrated.
If you’re lucky to have or to have had a mom or other mother figure who has tended to your hurts, lifted you up in encouragement, and been there to guide you, count your blessings.
We have always known sacrifice is a parenting necessity, but leaving yourself last isn’t always healthy. That brings us to Mental Health Awareness Month. Let’s look at this through the lens of parenting. Many of today’s parents watched their parents (usually Mom), do without, in multiple ways. My mom never had the latest clothing styles, waited until we were fed to make her plate, and occasionally worked two jobs to pay basic bills. Yet she still made it to all of our events.
My mom was also a functioning alcoholic. Mom may have been self-medicating to handle all the stress. She’s no longer with us, so I can’t ask. We now know the stress of managing a household and raising kids can be overwhelming. Parents need to take care of themselves to best care for their families. It’s like when the flight attendant directs us to put on our oxygen masks first. How can parents take care of their mental health while keeping up with all the responsibilities of parenthood? It must be a priority, and there are multiple tools.
The key is scheduling the time just as one schedules a doctor appointment. An appointment with oneself is equally important! Today’s parents are both cursed and lucky to have smartphones, with so many useful and helpful apps and other tools. I like to recommend a meditation app called Insight Timer. Meditating each morning can set the tone for the entire day. You may also want to take advantage of apps for exercise and eating healthy. It’s up to each of us to find what works.
I hope this Mother’s Day and every day you take care of yourself and encourage others to do the same.
