SCN’s “Dear Gabbie” column is not meant to replace the advice of professionals…especially your mom!

Dear Gabbie:

I have noticed people are much more free and loose about dropping the F-bomb and other swear words in conversation, and I’m trying to relax about that since it doesn’t seem to be going away. But the one word I really cringe at is the “R word.” Am I being unreasonable to think calling people “retarded” is beyond the pale? 

Signed,

Alphabet Soup

Dear Alphabet Soup,

I truly believe those who throw the “R word” around loosely have never had a loved one who was diagnosed with a severe learning disability. According to WebMD and other online sources, the term “retardation” is an old term that has been replaced with the phrase “intellectual disability.” But that doesn’t make it any less hurtful to hear the “R word” used casually to describe someone who is simply being irresponsible or foolish.

Over the years, when someone I know calls someone or something “retarded,” I’ve made it my business to ask if they know anyone who was ever diagnosed with an intellectual disability. They generally tell me “No,” to which I respond, “Then you don’t know how hurtful that might be to someone within earshot.” Admittedly, it makes for an embarrassing moment or two between us, but we soon move past it, and I can say the “R word” has never again been used in my presence by anyone I mention this to.

Coincidentally, I recently read something by an American who commented that the British have some very creative words to describe a person who is acting clueless. The best part about these British words is that they aren’t offensive to a group of people but rather to things—like a plank. a turnip, a spoon, a walnut, or whatever! And apparently it’s even more effective to put the word “absolute” or “bloody” in front of any of those words, for emphasis. 😊

Also, despite what some might like you to believe, omitting the “R word” from our lexicon is not caving to political correctness. Rather, it’s taking into account people’s feelings—a practice that, used regularly, could help make the world a better place, regardless of a person’s political leanings.

So anyone reading this who likes to use the “R word” regularly—don’t be an absolute plank. Find a different word to use instead.Gabbie